The National Army Museum – Day 63

I just want to drive the hell out of a tank. SO New Zealand Army Museum, here we come.

It’s a rainy day and what is more cliche than going to a museum on a rainy day? So we drive up to the museum we park and then boom here’s what I’m seeing. Tank here, tank there, tank here, tank there, canon, fireballs or whatever all those things are called and there is tanks everywhere so I’m like man, they have spare tanks. That probably means I can drive a few ones. It’s really cool actually to come to New Zealand and actually learn what the early New Zealand battles were like before the UK invaded New Zealand and just made the history all the same shit again. This first exhibition is really cool and I’m really enjoying it, It’s about like what the Maori, the weapons they used to use in battle there’s like they used to just have these sticks and just batter each other to death. One thing I didn’t realise with the Maori is they didn’t just engage in massive battles like in European history I guess where people were just like CHARGE! And bang bang bang like it wasn’t like that. They just took more of a one on one approach they just get two people battle it out, one dies, here’s the next person, battle it out, which you know, that makes sense. Why does everybody just have to mindlessly run at each other and battle it out and it just yeah what’s the point? So I think the Maori, you know, they got it right. They knew what they were doing. They knew how to do battle. Just battle one on one battles clubbing each other to death so at least that gives every one else room to watch and enjoy the show. There is display of all the other wars that New Zealand have been involved in you know like Egypt and other countries obviously some of the main sections are World War One and World War Two. So Laura doesn’t know that in a museum you don’t touch. It is impressive that the museum on a subject that I am not necessarily interested in captivated me that much but this one really grasped and it curated for our generation that has ADD you know and is like easy to jump from one place to another and the story is easy to follow and there is a lot of things to touch and to play with and I was really impressed by it. What’s it like joining the army, Robin? Well, it’s pretty good. The uniform there is only two sizes, too big or too small. If too small, you shrink. If it’s too big, you grow. And you keep the line moving. The order of this museum really helps you understand the history as well, it’s all in chronological order and it’s all depicted with mannequins setting the scene. I just want to drive a tank. Is that too much to ask? That’s not a tank though is it? We need to find a tank.

This one is more of a waltz. If I were to be enrolled in the army, I would be forced into that uniform the clown battalions. Downstairs we get to the world war two side of things and there it is. Do not climb or attempt to enter this vehicle. Doesn’t say don’t drive it. Doesn’t say Robin.

There is a tank. I want to get myself inside that said tank but all I can see all I can find is some bug signs saying please do not touch do not climb do not get inside you are not a five years old child.

The rest of the [New Zealand National Army] Museum, we see the modern day things, the big tanks, the vehicles the guns and the last really cool section of the museum that I personally think is pretty cool is just this corridor of the evolution of weapons or the evolution of guns. But guns from all over the world so you’ve got Japan, you’ve got Russia, the UK, New Zealand, Germany, France, you know there’s loads. And it’s just crazy to see like where they started, what they used to look like and then now they’re just like these hardcore machines with a knife on the end that you use in Call of Duty to stab people when they come up to you. And then that is what… that is what… Robin. Exterminate. That is what. Leave me alone. And that is what and that is what I haven’t thought about what I’m saying next. And that is what…